Primark: It's shit, you know its shit-nothing lasts, NOTHING LASTS. Uniform of the ghetto
Babies/children crying: Its like being repeatedly stabbed in the head with a bradel
Kidulthood: Some guys sis kills herself over bullies. Does he get revenge? No. Does he cry? No. He just walks around.
Febreze: It's expensive. Just wash things.
People who read The Sun: Please don't start a debate with me. You are seriously misinformed.
Draughts: Just play chess.
Being a virgo: It's just not me. I have traits from ALL the zodiac signs.
Worrrying: What happened? Did something happen? Is something about to happen? No. So stop doing it.
People who say; "Make sure you wear a hat in the rain or you'll catch a cold". You don't get ill from rain, you get ill from germs.
G.A.Y: My personal hell.
Ecstacy: I have no problem with it but, i object to the name. Having sex on ecstacy is pointless. You cannot come. So where's the ecstacy?
Men who offer me discounts and then expect: Just because you've given me a 5 pound discount on a wig doesn't mean i'm going to fuck you.
People who say i'm "naughty" because I'm open about enjoying sex: NEWSFLASH! Clitoris+testosterone=sex drive ...or did you mean to say "natural" instead. Fool.
People who get excited/shocked/surprised/astonished at the mundane: You are mundane. What the FUCK is so shocking about the fact i use tampons? (seriously-some idiot saw fit to comment on that).
People who assume I am Jamaican: I am in fact half Jamaican but it's annoying because it implies the following; A: I wear bad weave B: I am homophobic C: I love the feel of a guys erection on my backside in the dancehall. Neither applies.
Yellow pages: You are obsolete because of the internet.
Stupid advertising slogans: I could write a whole blog on this but i'll keep this short & sweet. "Washing machines live longer with calgon". Don't you mean "washing machines LAST longer with calgon". A washing machine does not LIVE. Without electicity, it's an inanimate object.
Passive girls: It's like screwing a blow up doll.
Shaving off half your hair: It doesn't suit you.
Everyone's opinions count: No they don't.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger: No it doesn't.
The best things in life are free: So is syphillis
Love happens when you least expect it: So does cancer. Love is for losers (i am such a loser)
Rubbish lesbian porn: Do you really expect me to believe your getting any pleasure being dug out with six inch nails. Errrm, ouch!
Horoscope compatibility: Every star sign (or should i say sun sign? The sun is a star so fuck it!) has 3 compatible star signs meaning 3 in every 12 people of the sex you're attracted to are your soul mate. I've done the math. If you live in Britain & are attracted to women you have a massive 7.5 million soul mates ready for the taking. So why haven't i eloped yet?... P.S If you are a lesbian it's 500.000 & the "scene" is small. So why haven't i eloped yet?
People who ask me stupid questions: You'll get stupid answers
Expect the unexpected: It's a stupid term. If i were to "expect the unexpected" then the unexpected wouldn't be unexpected at all. It would be expected. The unexpected is something you couldn't fathom to expect. You get me?
Eastenders: Someone gets murdered "whodunnit whodunnit". Someone gets pregnant "who's the daddy". Someone gets ill "how will they cope? Will they survive?". Someone has a secret -all will be revealed at christmas. Its stupid. It is not the real east end. It's for morons.
People who tell you how to raise your kids when they have none: SHUT UP!
People who think having no pubic hair is cool: Your crouch looks 9. It's wrong!
Jeremy Kyle: Sanctimonious dick.
Selling your virginity: I hate you people because i wish i'd thought of it first.
Manipulative people who are rubbish at it: It's an insult to my intelligence. However, if you're any good...
Fake dreads: Your hair looks like a fucking mop.
When a fly comes into my house: Do you pay rent? No. PISS OFF!
People who are proud of being ignorant: I have been to the forest today & picked some VERY special (by special i mean poisonous) mushrooms... How about you come to mines for dinner. I promise, you'll never feel hungry again (muhahahaha)
Our rent officer: If i was a dude i'd tell her to suck my...
Fromage frais: It's yogurt.
Thongs: If you wanna see my arse you're gonna have to take my knickers off.
People who see tattoo's as a form of self harm: Beauty is pain... You fucking donkey.
Cotton wool: Makes my teeth hurt
Above inflation price rises: I will shoplift.
"You can't have your cake & eat it too": What's the point of having a cake if you're not going to eat it?
People who think they know everything about life, yet they still live with their mummy.
People (men) who whistle to get my attention: I am not a dog.
How myspace has "impervious" as a mood, but not moany.
Uniqlo: It's a Japanese GAP
American Apparel: It's a colourful GAP
GAP: Is boring
Big Lip Surgery: You look like anything...
Cheap perfume: Smells like air freshener
Monroe piercing: Looks like snot (on most people)
Guinea pigs, gerbils, hamsters: Are rats.
Half ton son, half ton mum, half ton's worth of indifference from me.
The smiley with sunglasses on. What does one use it for? The most stupid smiley ever.
Doormen who won't let me into a club sans passport: A: I'm not getting on a plane you dickhead. B: You've seen my passport numerous times you dickhead. C: I'm probably older than you-you DICKHEAD!
People who describe me as a "weirdo" due to how i look & think: I'm special so-PISS OFF!
Spending the last of my cash on something i didn't need, then losing it.
The term term "mo money mo problems": You have alot more without it.
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