Doors

Working on it...

When I see you...

My feet get a little unsteady
for your presence I am never ready
I am overexposed
naked without all my emotional clothes

Those clothes allow me to dismiss you
to lie to myself that I never missed you
that you sank without a trace
that I hadn't got used to your familiar face

I got more than used to it, it felt protective
I would seek out your presence like a detective
and then you disappeared
and I pretended that I didn't care

So between us there is an invisible wall
We no longer play invisible ball
and whenever your around
I am deafened by the silence of that sound

That is when I stumble
like a biscuit I begin to crumble
and I hate biscuits
Just like I hate being the only misfit

I thought you might be a misfit too
and that is what attracted me to you
so when the connection came to an end
I mourned the fact that we may never be friends

But I had blocked that out of my mind
It hurt too much to keep it where I could find
But when I see you I know it never went away
and my messages become to mixed to convey...

Is it just electromagnetic radiation
a photonic display of all our aspirations
the speed the way it burns so bright
just like life, the energy is hard to fight

Most light comes out of the dark
under stars having nidnight feasts in the park
night contrasts the beauty i find
a beauty to which so many others are blind

Often to those that chose to follow deviant ths
coz that was the stone in which they were cast
being cast aside they're forced to hide their shine
Shine
but hiding breeds shame so that part of them dies
because not all the suffering can teach
there are depths no music can reach
we are taught darkness is something to fear
because it casts shadows on how we wish to appear

some willfully deny the shine of others
it is only their shine they wish to buffer
so they will tread on the backs of another
at times seeking light causes others to suffer

just ask africa, war torn land of hurt
lost limbs because of diamonds in the dirt
so that light can be shining next to skin
blinded by false light when true light comes from within

it is the cause of so many a sin
its only worth what we are willing to pay, belongs in a in a bin
if we all did that its value would be gone
because the value is just an elaborate con

light damages heals and allows us to see
from melanomas to laser surgery
but lets remembr all light comes from the sun
without the sun no other light cud ever be shone

The Beauty of Scars

Your scars are like the stars

they shine so brightly

To others

they may be unsightly

In honesty

your scars invite me

like a skin

I would hold you tightly

I saw the story unfold on your skin

I knew

you were all I needed in this life of sin

Long sleeves couldn't hide your cuts

and i'm so used to being shot

I spilt my guts

Our faces were proud

we stood tall

the face is the mask that hides it all

I'll quit that face a thousand times

to follow tracks that lead me to a beautiful mind

Was it a drunken accident or did people hurt you?

the beauty of what you repress

It shines right through you

even though you try to hide it

shaped by what you despise

You will deny it

restricted by your defence mechanisms

Couldn't break those mental chains with an exorcism

I only broke through because I'm scarred like you

I knew exactly what you were going through

When you told me what they'd done to your skin

it was like a volcano had erupted within

I would deny them hands

They blemish the only thing that holds you like I can

I turn anger to passion hoping love will heal you

For you to know they touched you

but they could never feel you

The way that I do

They way you know, I love you so

because I'm fucked up too


I'll hold your hand when you can't hold mine

whenever you succeed to hide that shine



I'll love you even though your love is pain

coz you saw my scars and didn't walk away

you knew hiding made me feel ashamed

but that's a different story for a different day



We both got hurt growing up in the dirt

and bad memories of wearing a skirt

in your scars

I see the sum of your fears

your story, the very reason

you are fierce!



I see the lies behind that smile

I see the blood of emotional scars

bleed out of your eyes

In your eyes I see your song

the more I explored your scars

The more they shone



as we lay here battlescarred

my scars are why I loved you

from the start

My actions invited you

to a mind that could really excite you



coz



My scars are like the stars

they shine, they shine

a shine to which others are blind

I love my scars because they define me

and I had to see your scars

because they

shined so brightly...

Why, Not, Nothing?

13.9 billion years ago
We don’t know precisely what happened
Only that, the universe began expanding
And at that point, our collective fate was handed
To share in an existence where we are all demanding

To get a brain and a body
Designed by physics or a deity
And if this was so exquisitely designed
I’d love the deity to grace our societies

Observe the fruit from its seed of creativity
Reveal true prophecy, relieve our anxieties
And where it came from is what I would mention, because
Every existential answer is a rhetorical question
And now we are in session

There is no magic wand
A hymn is just a song
In this universe of matter
And chemical bonds

To believe in a creator would insult my intelligence
Creating what’s always been does not make any sense
Is man that egotistical to believe?
That universe is something man could ever achieve
No being could be that supreme

There’s string theory, the goldilocks paradox
A nuclear configuration of atoms and cells
A superior alternative to the god hypothesis
But just like sex, religion sells

We are hungry both physically and spiritually
Who would create that hunger, those needs to feed?
Would any creator need to sow that seed?
Why anything at all?
WHY. NOT. NOTHING.

Something has lead to questions
With unobtainable answers
Neither prayer nor study
Makes those answers come any faster

Both symbiotic and parallel
The universe has us gravitated under a spell
It started with a bang and so do we
We need oxygen and so giveth the tree

I’m spinning in this monsters ball
Torn asunder, I was born to wonder
But would any answer
Ever break my fall?

Or provide me with comfort and solace
Reduce my fears of getting old and shopping at Wallis
Explain how bad events often bind us together
And why people blame god
When its nothing but weather

Tectonic plate friction causes tsunami’s and earthquakes
Friction in society breeds violence and mistakes
We are drawn to things that both kill and sustain
Like the love we seek that often causes so much pain

It’s all relative EMC (SQUARED)
We’re all related but still haven’t learnt to share

A collectively diverse nation, stars in a constellation
Ready to rise but now I’ve run out of patience
Sick of awaiting a consciousness renaissance
And witnessing destruction caused by chasing a status

Environmentally and socially we are on a course to hinder
When we could save lives like Schindler
Be perfect all the time, do everything right
And still get struck by a meteorite!

So the big question remains, why are we here?
From molecules to matter, I don’t care
I enjoy the wonder and the mystery
as well as keeping upto date with new discoveries

But, when I think about it analytically
It’s a 14 billion year old crime scene
Though contemplating existence
is my brains favourite toy
The evidence of origin
Must have long been destroyed.

An Altered State

I'm Killing myself softly
but not with a song
as I draw in sustenance
from the end of a bong

I'm elevated chemically
but
am I smoking it or is it smoking me?



I like to pace myself with weed
then when it's time for action
there's, speed speed speed!

Does living fast mean I'll die young
is fun a substitute for the fact I never won

It's been years since I've been on a plane
so the chemicals provide the release that I crave
though I have much more to gain
from never being that chemicals slave

but still a slave i am
for lack of a better plan
I'm one of the damned
I'm one of the damned

That get to bear witness to their self destruction
I'm all too self aware, but I need to function

like...

when I'm out at some club
I've got my vodka, cider, shots and rum
if I'm not stumbling then it's no fun
and my belly's rumbling from the damage I've done

I like being drunk, is that controversial?
I wash away all my drunken sins with Persil
and recover in rapid time
with a little help from GlaxoSmithKline
Though I'm aware that's killing me too
eventually the prophecy is gonna come true

How do I choose with an ambivalent voice
I will lose because I know I've made the wrong choice

I'm killing myself softly
but not with a song
I've realized
the drugs have had me all along
It was coded into my genes
to get fucked off my face via any means

It was destiny, it was fate
to prefer living life in an altered state

I want to resist
but I don't know how
I was high when I wrote this
and I'm high right now...

Trouble...

They come, they go
weaving in and out my life
anger, tears
trouble & strife
being in love with love
and angered by my ways
because i won't
fall in love in a day
their self worth
somehow my responsibility
and because of my mask
they fail to see my fragility

then they wonder
why i let things die
it's coz when i was laughing
they couldn't hear me cry...